Well before I spend valuable time explaining the power of Facebook...its amazing influence...let me focus on the status I read. (Besides, I have probably dedicated enough posts to Facebook, but I can't promise I won't do it again...LOL!) Anyway, the status update was an anonymous quote that said, "Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see
who cares enough to break them down."
Lord, can I relate? Instead of being a writer, I should have considered a career as a brick mason or carpenter. Since I was a little girl...since I suffered the abuse and misuse, I have been building walls...walls intended to protect the fragile Deanna spirit inside...walls that help Dana keep up the appearance of control...walls that keep my rage from consuming everything that surrounds me.
And the person who cared enough and was able to penetrate those walls was a quiet, unassuming giant we call Big C!
Big C and I have been an item since the summer after my freshman year on the Hill. Not only is he my spouse and business manager…he is my best friend. I’d be a little lost without him.
I actually met him on November 30, 1992. Well, I met him and his entire crew on that evening at his apartment complex. I will refrain from mentioning the name of that complex for it will give too much away. Let’s just say that that ugly building with that ugly color still sits there today.
Anyway, I met him that night on what was supposed to be a blind hookup with another one of his friends. I was in pretty bad space. This guy that I was really into back home had stood me up over the Thanksgiving holiday break. So when I got back on campus, I was looking for a way to forget his trifling behind. It worked!
Now I’ve told the story of meeting Big C repeatedly throughout our relationship, but I am still in awe over it. See when I walked through the
door of his apartment that night, he was the first person I saw. He was sitting in a chair, opposite the front door, wearing a raggedy blue Coors Light T-shirt, black shorts and muddy steel-toe boots. He also was holding a beer…correction…a 40 oz. beer in his hand. And as my eyes rested upon him, I heard a voice in my head clearly say “He’s the one.”
Everyone who has ever heard this story usually bursts out laughing at this point! I can understand why. This man was not looking his best that day. He was in great need of a haircut and a bath. His clothes could have been modeled by any hobo. But I tell you…that voice said “He’s the one!”
In fact, it was so loud that I thought one of the dudes in the room had spoken it. I looked around so that I could find the person and tell him he had to be out of his mind.
But as I read that BaisdenLive status update earlier, I finally figured it out.
The voice wasn’t lying. He is the one. Big C is the one that penetrated those walls…and became my ride or die!
In our lifetimes, we will have plenty of acquaintances and friends. We can even have several best friends. But the ride or dies are special. God doesn’t gift us with a whole bunch of those.
See the ride or die is the one who will patiently for you to get out of your own way. He or she will continue to press you toward your calling. This person will love you past all your pain and heartache. He or she will bully you when needed and defend you at all times. This friend is with you to the end, and none of your challenges scare him or her. When you lash out in pain, your ride or die never flinches. He or she just reminds you that you said you were gonna do it…that he or she knows you can do it…and finally, you gonna do it…enough said! And Big C has certainly been this and more!
As I said, I met Big C in November 1992, but we didn’t hook up until May 1993. A lot of B.S. happened in between that, so I’m really not sure what led
to the hookup. Big C, at the time, was not my type. But he became my boy. He was so easy to talk to and we laughed all the time. Before I knew it, we were together.
Then came Faith. Now I have always given her credit for our marriage and partnership. True…she had a lot to do with it. See Faith had the one thing that her mommy had wanted all her life…a daddy that totally doted on her.
The two of them went everywhere. And there wasn’t anything Big C would not do for his baby girl. He’s still that way about her, even though she vexes him so. But that’s another story.
According to William Glasser, “don’t marry someone you would not be friends with if there was no sex between you.”See Big C and I are the way we are because we are each other’s ride or die. True Big C and I got
married after the pressure from family. And yes, I wanted Faith to have the benefit of both parents under one roof. But even if we hadn’t gotten married, I know we would still be tight.
See I agree with Glasser on one other thing…”good or bad, everything we do is our best choice at the moment.” Big C was my best choice. He may not have been my first choice. He may not been what I was looking for at the time. But God knows, Big C was the perfect choice.
Big C was the first person, outside of my immediate family, that I told about the childhood abuse. He held me at night until nightmares no longer plagued me. He convinced me that I didn’t nothing to earn such evil and that I did not have to be a victim anymore. And he encouraged me to speak out about it…at my own pace.
He helped me get past my self-image issues. Big C told me I was pretty…the first man that ever did it. And when I looked in his eyes, I almost believed him. (It would take a lot of work and many years to get me to that point.)
Every pregnancy and labor…every sickness…every surgery and recovery…Big C has been beside me. He’s dealt with every emotion I’ve experienced. He’s rocked me when the pain was so great. And he has massaged me physically and emotionally when I needed it most.
When I have had presentations to get done…assignments that were due, Big C has burned the midnight oil with me. If I needed an opinion, I could count on him. If I needed someone to help me with setup, I didn’t have to ask. If I needed someone to say I could do it, Big C reminded me that he married a smart chick.
Whenever I’ve deemed I had to pursue it…wanted to achieve it…Big C was right there giving me the support and the kick in the pants I needed. If he had to do without so that we could get it done, it was never thrown in my face. And if it was truly my dream…my passion, it suddenly became his too. So he pursued it…researched it… and accomplished it with me!
Yep, those are the makings of a ride or die!