Yeah...that’s what I said. I am a drama queen. And I have no problem with that admission.
Now you probably will never hear any woman readily admit that. Shoot, you might be subjected to a cat fight if you ever called a female that. But I am quite comfortable with it. I am pretty sure the proclamation is going to raise a few eyebrows and invoke a few head shakes. So what? It’s the truth.
Okay let me take the time to clarify. When I refer to myself as a drama queen, I am not using that title as most have come to know it. I am far from the “Hey Maury…I slept with four different men and still don’t know who is my baby’s daddy” type. I have never poured sugar in another chick’s gas tank or keyed my man’s Honda Accord while humming Jazmin Sullivan’s popular ditty (Even though I will admit that I have been pushed in that direction a few times…lol). I have never had a sugar daddy or been one to carry gossip. And I have never identified with any sort of clique.
But I know I am a drama queen. Why do I claim that? Well there have been quite a number of instances in my life…over the top stuff. Situations that have made me pause mid-drama and question whether it was reality or a dream. And somehow I have managed to survive it all.
Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t invite any of the drama. Who in their right mind would?
Let’s see…I definitely don’t desire to repeat the childhood. Absentee father…abusive stepfather…mom scuffling to make ends meet...pubescent awkwardness…major drama for any girl child. And it was bad back then…I don’t feel like revealing all of the details, but I could definitely relate to the Celie and Precious characters from the movies.
Then when I became a teenager…the boys didn’t know how to handle lil ole me. I was tomboyish…nerdy…and well developed…all at the same time. I loved sports, but was too poor to afford the costs of being on the team. So instead…I kept stats and served as videographer for the cross country and basketball teams. Now while I wasn’t a cool athlete (even though I had pretty good b-ball skills), I got to travel with the team and get in all of the events for free. It also made me able to hold sports conversations with guys. This made me one of the crew…the one the guys could relate too and turn to when they need relationship advice. I was always in the company of “men,” and they felt quite comfortable having me around.
But that…coupled with being an excellent student…made guys decide not to pursue relationships with me. I can’t tell you how many of my ole male crew today point out that they had feelings for me back in the day…but just didn’t feel that they should step that way. Or if they did step to me, they would quickly run back in the direction of the girls who were more popular…or less complicated. The crazy thing is that I was into a few of these guys. I couldn’t quite understand it…I wasn’t an outcast like any of the characters from Revenge of the Nerds. But I just didn’t fit in any real group.
So their rejection of me produced a very callous young woman. And when I headed off to college, I was determined to not allow any man to define me. So I can admit that I engaged in very reckless behavior. I just knew that I could handle anything thrown my way. I’ve always heard that God looks out for babies and fools…boy am I glad! There were a few episodes that I knew could have taken me out.
There was the incident with the drug dealer that took a fancy to me. Oh boy…he was fine! Probably the cutest boy that had ever been attracted to me. And he seemed to be very into me…really fast. But this girl-woman who had been overlooked by the significant men during her childhood didn’t seem to notice the warning signs that were there from the very beginning.
One evening he was wining and dining me like a big player and I was reveling in the attention. And we went back to his place to cap off the evening. All of a sudden, I felt this sense of dread wash over me. I can’t truly describe it…but I could hear a voice very clearly in my head. And it was telling me to get the hell out of there. But I ignored it…thought it was just the liquor talking. So I continued with the evening.
The next thing I knew, this gigantic pain wrapped around my midsection. It was blinding. Shoot…it had me bent over, and I had to run into the bathroom. I threw up everything in me and some. Well ole boy offered to let me just lay down…was going to nurse me back to health. But I could still hear that voice telling me to leave. So I just told him, I would catch up with him the next day. I apologized and headed back to my campus dorm room.
Well, about three hours later, my tummy was still a little sore, but I felt a lot better. I decided to page him to let him know that I was feeling better and to make plans for the next evening. He never called me back.
The next morning I was watching the local news before I headed to my first class. The leading story was about a drive-by that had happened at a nearby duplex the evening before. When I focused on the TV…I realized that it was ole boy’s apartment. The place had been sprayed with bullets about 20 minutes after my departure. He was rushed to a local hospital in critical condition. I still cringe every time I think about it. What if I had ignored that voice…that feeling…and stayed?
Well I shook that episode off and continued on with my reckless ways. But then Big Country and Imani entered my life and changed all of that. I tried to avoid Big Country. To me, he represented all of the guy friends that had rejected me during my teens. He saw me as a friend…and I wanted a guy who worshipped me.
In spite of this, we got together somehow. It wasn’t supposed to lead to any thing…he was a friend with benefits. But it did lead to someone…Imani. At the ripe young age of 20, I became a mother and truly had to become the grown up I was hinting at for years.
And Big Country took up residence as my life partner. No…it wasn’t a fairy tale courtship. We have never thought of each other as soul mates…because there are still moments where we just don’t get each other. But he is my dearest friend…my ride or die! And he accepts each of the sister spirits and has learned to exist with them. I don’t think another dude would know how.
I wish I could say all of the drama ended when Imani came. But that would be a definite lie. We have seen it all. But I think the last few years have been the craziest. Especially last year! My absentee father left this world and left me mad as hell. Checked out in the middle of the night…in his sleep. And I have to admit that I am still struggling with that. I know it’s crazy…but I felt abandoned all over again.
Now I’ve had to deal with so much more, but I won’t bother to detail. Remember I am still trying to protect the innocent and not so innocent. I just feel like I had to mention some of the things I have been through so that you can understand why I refer to myself as a drama queen.
See it has nothing to do with the drama itself. I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to go through situations like these. But I have managed to overcome and withstand a lot of the drama. I don’t take any of the credit, for I know who has kept me. (Remember, I heard that voice on the last night I spent with that drug dealer!) The situations in my life have not reduced me; they have empowered me. And at the end of each dramatic episode…I have stood regal as a queen.