I realize that I am truly a product of my past. All of us are. My emotions…my personality…my view of the world…all of these have been shaped by things I have learned or experienced.
Let’s see...I am quite the spendthrift when it comes to shopping for things I like. I will walk around a store several times analyzing my decision to purchase. This doesn’t mean I like to shop all day…in fact, I am a purposeful shopper and I only go places where I know I will buy. Nope, window shopping is not my thing. But I take my time and analyze the whole process. I think really hard about if I really want the item…how often I will be able to use it…how long it will last…is it quality...can I find it elsewhere at a lower price. I have watched Big C roll his eyes and hang his head in exasperation until he can’t take it anymore. Then he admonishes me to just get the thing if I want it. It is just not that simple. In fact, I am notorious for returning the items even after I have spent all the time going through the purchase process.
I know that I inherited this thriftiness from my mother. She raised me without financial support from my dad. Plus the step-daddy made it clear that he was not going to provide for another man’s child…and he really didn’t provide for the one that he and my mom created. My mom was good though. She could take $50 to the grocery store and work magic. She often went without so that our needs could be met. And if she did purchase something nice, you could bet she was going to make sure she received a great return on her investment.
I also do not my spoil my kids…not even my grandboy. Now don’t misunderstand me, I buy the girls and my little man nice things. But I just don’t go overboard. I got that from my grandmothers. These ladies loved on me, but never catered to my every whim. My cousins and I truly earned the extras we got from those two chics. And the life lessons we received from those ladies were definitely worth more than material things.
And my daddy issues have definitely shadowed every relationship I have had with men. Therefore I have ditched those who proved to be neglectful or refused to hear me. And that “I’m every woman spirit” can make me a handful at times. It is a good thing Big C had his own experience with that growing up. His mom has the same spirit about her…no wonder we get along so well! LOL
Yes, there are a lot of things that have impacted who I have become. Abusive childhood…sick parents...sick child…financial woes…underemployment…no employment…yep my life has played out like an overdone Tyler Perry drama. But in spite of these circumstances, I will never be defined by anyone but me.
See I’m a giant…in spite of my 5’ 2” petite frame. I’m fearless even when I’ve been shaken. I’m rich when my bank account is overdrawn. I’m loved even when everyone seems to be screaming at me.
Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not act but a habit.”
I’m excellent because I am always striving for perfection, knowing that excellence will be the result. God said I am more than a conqueror, therefore I walk victoriously. I can have the best because I know I’m beautiful…I’m smart…I’m talented and dangit…God says I’m worth it!
Around 1 p.m. on December 12, 2011, Oprah posted the following status update: “What I know for sure is this: You are built not to shrink down to less, but to blossom into more. To be more splendid. To be more extraordinary. To use every moment to fill yourself.”
And who am I to disagree with Oprah? Everyone knows that lady’s past…the hurdles she overcame…and look at her now. And she doesn’t apologize for being fabulous…for being rich…for being influential; she owns it! She refused to allow her past…the painful childhood…the young woman stumblings…to dictate and define her present and future. And I won’t either!