This season of my career is over. It did not just happen; the writing has been on the wall for quite some time now. I’ve tried to ignore it for quite a while. After the last few years of tumult, I just didn’t want to deal with another change. Yet it is here, and I can’t avoid it. I won’t avoid it.
No the doors to the joint haven’t closed. But the economic downturn of the last few years has our business hurting. We are limping along, but I don’t foresee that going on for too much longer. There is a new “sheriff” in charge right now…a new captain of this cruiseliner. His reputation of “stopping the bleeding” greeted us a few months before we laid eyes on him. No announcements have been made, but the undercurrent of major change is there. It’s happening all around us in this community. I am really not shocked that it is coming here.
I sit back daily and watch the rest of the crew run to and fro frantically. They don’t know if they should pray, hold their breath or just pretend all is well. I find myself daily soothing the nerves of one my cubicle hell playmates. She worries herself to the point of sickness; I can understand why…she is the main breadwinner. What happens to her piece of the American dream if she is no longer working?
I’m not afraid though. God took that from me some time ago. See I’ve already experienced major upheaval over the last four years. I’m not apathetic. I’m not numb. I’m just okay.
I’m not being pessimistic, either. I continue to pray over this situation because I know there are others involved. I want God to take care of them.
But I know that there is something else planned for me. See in the middle of a personal crisis, God gave me the desire to write again. No matter how much I have tried to focus on my job, things pop up to bring my thoughts back to the writing. I’m like my college classmate Dina. None of the things I have dealt with…not one single one… is considered a coincidence. I’ll just consider it part of the script. And like any good actor, I want to deliver an award-winning performance. I am studying the script…researching my character...understanding her motivations. I must be prepared. Before you step on the stage, you know your role.
Does that mean that I mean I report to the place everyday and just sit diddling my thumbs? Absolutely not! I still give the place a 110 percent every time I walk through the door and sit in my cubicle. I attend all of the meetings, conduct all the trainings, do all the research, visit and talk with potential clients. I give them due diligence.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not mapping out the path to my next season. See my dreams extend beyond just releasing this book. A few months ago, I came across an old letter I had written to myself just before I graduated high school. In that letter, I outlined where I would be 10 to 15 years later. And so far…I haven’t achieved much on that list. (That’s actually okay…I actually saw myself married to one of my high school boyfriends who I will just refer to as Cool. He’s an okay dude…I just couldn’t imagine being married to him now.)
At one point in that letter, I discussed my desire to be bigger than Oprah. I am an Oprah fan. No, I am not the type that had all of her show’s TiVoed, and I have never rushed out and bought anything that made her “Favorite Things” list. But I am still a fan. That is not because she has amassed millions. See I wouldn’t mind the luxuries she has; but I am more interested in her voice. Oprah experienced degradation, abuse, neglect and nay-sayers, but none of that stopped her. She still became the voice for so many that had been ignored. Her voice has had the power to effect change in various arenas. Yep, that’s what I want. I want my voice to count. I want to not only make my dreams come true, but I want to be able to provide the resources to make dream achievement possible for others as well. (My Deanna spirit is jumping for joy over that announcement. I don’t know why….she is not the only one who cheers others on to success!)
Now I will still do my job until it is no more. That’s the Dana in me. I have to keep it all in control. Big C and those babies depend on me. And when this season ends, I will just launch into the next one. Even if it means that I have to go elsewhere to get things on point. Right now that looks very promising. It’s a change…yes, but I’m ready.
See nowhere in that letter did I express the need to settle down in one spot. I have always had a bit of the nomadic spirit. I see it as an adventure, and those who know me know I can’t resist a good adventure. I won’t jump the gun, but I want be scared to step out in faith. One of my former schoolmates, Makeda Young, said it best. On January 17, she posted this on her Facebook wall: “Once you are secure in what God has promised you, you will begin to expect increase and provision, not lack and insufficiency.” God has blessed me with another chance over and over again. So I am moving forward. I’m not scared…I’m ready!